on my mind....

Thursday, December 6, 2012

same spot, same mug, full of warm tea
quiet streets, quite house, but my mind is so loud
thoughts, dreams, aspirations, questions.
who am I/what am I doing/where am I going/why/
questions. the comforting thing is we all have them.
pause. my mind goes blank. unfocused, fuzzy, confused

I love adjectives, probably way too much.
and I've always loved to write
when I was ten that's what I wanted to be when "I grew up"
either that or a teacher, or a nurse, or a waitress...
my "grown-up" self still has the uncertainty of that ten year old girl
hold on to whatever you find, baby
hold on to whatever will get you through
persistence, just keep swimming.

goofy, inexcusable joy, pure happiness
that singing off tune, giddy dancing-around-the-house happy,
purely just because.
I wish I could bottle that happiness up and save it for a rainy day
a time when I feel alone, and a cup of tea just won't turn it around.
life is funny, she serves up some pretty wild things sometimes...

under my skin
those snide remarks, unthoughtful words
that slip so freely from lips
cursed with a good memory and bitterness to hold onto the bad
reciting mantra's, tea, and running shoes normally help
too sensitive, but that doesn't seem to ease the hurt
there must be a lesson in there somehow....

scared of committing, forever coined as "wishy washy"
but desperately feeling the need to define myself
for no one but myself.
ready for something scary, permanent,
like the ink of a tattoo
everlasting, marked, defined

can you live with it forever?


jumbled thoughts from different days
working through it, therapeutic writing
it's like seeing a therapist, but she doesn't charge as much...
as always 
thanks for listening

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